Throughout the book, Wiest states this idea in every imaginable way. She introduces the idea early on, dedicates the idea to its own essays, and lists some form of this in every list of things to do and the opposite in every list of things not to do. In her first essay, Wiest introduces the idea that human instinct is to seek whatever is comfortable, regardless of whether it is good or bad. If a person only seeks what is comfortable, they will only repeat situations and emotions that they have already experienced, regardless of whether they were good or bad.

In Essay 10, “Breaking Your ‘Upper Limit,’” Wiest discusses how people hold themselves back from real happiness and proposes the idea that the path to happiness is just a shift in mindset. Most people fear real happiness for various reasons, one of them being that real happiness comes alongside fear and pain. Instead of feeling every emotion, people push the difficult ones away and sprint toward an eternal happiness that does not exist. Wiest explains this by saying, “You are not cheating your way around pain. You’re actively pursuing more and more of it” (54). Not only is fear necessary for growth, but denying fear its rightful space also creates even more pain.