According to the authors, avoidants have trouble accepting love or help because they build walls around themselves. They avoid situations in which they must be vulnerable. While healthy boundaries should not be indestructible walls, avoidants struggle with any form of support, even when their bodies and minds indicate that they’re drained.

Boundaries are guidelines for relationships in which limits are established to understand what is and isn’t one’s own responsibility. The authors compare boundaries to physical property lines that delineate between two or more different spaces. By establishing boundaries, people can greatly increase their capacity for healthy relationships and lifestyles.

The authors give the term “compliants” to people who are unable to say “no” to things, even when it’s in their best interest. Afraid to jeopardize their relationships, compliants say “yes” to going to restaurants they don’t like (a more menial example) or refuse to acknowledge physical or sexual abuse for fear or shame.