Kochan decides that no one will ever see through his act, basing this on several assumptions: that everyone else is behaving with the same amount of falsehood as him, and that he will die young before anyone can reveal his secrets. To hide himself effectively, he mimics those around him. He describes this social performance as similar to cheating off a classmate’s test to succeed in school. He begins making sexual remarks about women, not out of genuine desire but to provoke a response from others. He can do this because, “where women were concerned, I was devoid of that shyness which other boys possess innately” (106). When people do not respond as he expects, he grows increasingly introspective, determined to play his part to perfection. As the war’s effect in Japan becomes more prominent socially, leading to increased stoicism and more rigid standards for behavior, Kochan masks his behavior further and further. He stretches himself between life and death and struggles to stabilize himself.

Kochan explains that he discussed his sexual development and erections in the previous chapter in such detail because, as he grew older, he had no

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