“In fact, the gap between what you’re really thinking and what you’re saying is part of what makes a conversation difficult.”

People operate with subtext and unspoken assumptions all the time. The problem is that when a difficult conversation arises, this can cause a host of problems because of everything that goes unsaid. Part of negotiation and conflict resolution is finding out how different somebody’s thoughts have been in comparison with what they have voiced aloud.

“Once you understand the challenges inherent in the Three Conversations and the mistakes we make in each, you are likely to find that your purpose for having a particular conversation begins to shift. You come to appreciate the complexity of the perceptions and intentions involved.”

This quote emphasizes The Need for Self-Reflection and Self-Awareness. The reason we want to initiate a conversation might change when we begin to investigate the various reasons for the conversation. It is rare that a difficult conversation exists for single, simple reason; once the conversation is thought out in detail, one may discover a deeper reason for one’s discomfort, and the conversation can be attacked in a more constructive way.

“What we are saying does make sense. What’s often hard to see is that what the other person is saying also makes sense.”

The conversation in our minds begins from our perspective alone because that’s all we have. In dialogue, however, we have to remember that the other person has their own way of seeing the problem, and is likely attempting to make sense of it as genuinely as you. Truth isn’t relative, but there can be more than one side to what really happened.