Content Warning: This section of the guide includes discussion of pregnancy loss, suicidal ideation, physical and emotional domestic abuse, sexual content, illness, cursing, violence, and death.

“I never quite meant to break up with Scotty Dwyer, but now, for the first time, I wonder what my life would have been like if I hadn’t. If I had married a good, honorable man of the law instead of Derek, the man that I chose.”

Quinn’s opening chapter highlights the internal conflict that she faces in her life. After having a difficult childhood, she chose to be with Derek largely because of his wealth and influence. However, after discovering the type of person he truly is, she regrets her decision to break up with Scott years before. This conflict emphasizes the theme of Appearance Versus Reality, as Derek’s appearance turns out to be largely different than the person he was beneath.

“Would it be a terrible thing to say that I hope he hasn’t achieved bliss? Would it be terrible to say that I hope he’s burning in hell right now?”

As Quinn discusses Derek’s death, she wonders whether it is “terrible” for her to feel hate and anger toward him. While this shows Quinn’s kindness, it also emphasizes The Psychological Impact of Trauma and Abuse. Even after being nearly killed, she is still hesitant to hate Derek, emphasizing just how much of a psychological impact his abuse has had on her.

“His fingers closing around my neck, compressing my windpipe. Flailing around with my right hand until it made contact with the knife rack on the kitchen counter…I swallow, and with trembling fingers, I turn up the water temperature as hot as it will go. Scalding. My nerve endings are screaming, but I welcome it.”

Quinn vividly relives Derek’s abuse, even after his death, emphasizing the psychological impact that it has on her. Her shower is symbolic of her efforts at cleansing herself. Just as she physically cleans her body, she “scalds” herself in an effort to wash away the mental stain left on her by Derek’s abuse.