Chapter 3 begins with a survey focused on the question of what morality is. Most women’s initial responses think about morality in terms of equality, but when specific examples of morality are requested, the responses generally involve self-sacrifice and obligation, which are not equality-based. Gilligan synthesizes these responses and examples and presents morality as generally defined as the “wish not to hurt others and the hope that in morality lies a way of solving conflicts so that no one will be hurt” (65).

In interviewing a group of women about morality, however, there is a pattern of women not making moral judgments, which comes from a reluctance to make moral statements, not a calling into question of the concept or system of morality itself. Gilligan asserts that the “essence” of the moral decision is “the exercise of choice” (67) and “willingness to accept responsibility for that choice” (67). If women perceive themselves as having no choice, then they “excuse” themselves from the responsibility that comes with making moral decisions. Gilligan traces this to a reluctance on the part of women to publicly give voice to their thinking, as it has been devalued.

Gilligan turns to a group of women who are currently considering getting an abortion.