Secrets play a central role in Shapiro’s memoir. Paul and Irene were so traumatized by their inability to conceive that they kept their use of donor sperm secret, even from daughter and those closest to them. Paul and Irene’s secrets poisoned their marriage. Irene grew increasingly angry and narcissistic, while Paul became more depressed and physically broken. Their secrets also impacted Shapiro. As she notes, “Secrets, particularly the most deeply held ones, have a way of leaching into everything surrounding them” (226). Shapiro always sensed her parents had a secret. What she didn’t realize was that the secret was her. Learning the truth at the age of 54 devastated Shapiro and made her question her identity, but it also explained her persistent feelings of otherness.

Secrecy is central to the fertility industry. Since the mid-20th century, medical professionals have touted anonymity as the answer to the problems plaguing the fertility clinics. Anonymity attracts individuals who might not otherwise want to donate, thereby widening the genetic pool. It also protects donors from having to confront the truth that a child might be born from their genetic material. Further, anonymity protects parents who do not want outsiders intruding on their families and who often opt not to tell their children about their origins.