Wolterstorff questions whether his intense grief over Eric’s death might be misconstrued as loving Eric more than his other children. This leads him to contemplate the unthinkable choices faced by Jewish parents during the Holocaust, who were sometimes forced by Nazi officers to choose one child to save while condemning others. Wolterstorff concludes that he loves all his children equally, though each in a unique way. He describes how death has singled out Eric, making him special because he is mourned. The author notes that when giving thanks, he mentions all five of his children, but when lamenting, he speaks only of Eric.

The impact of Eric’s death on holidays and celebrations profoundly affects Wolterstorff. He describes these once-joyous occasions as now being the worst days, filled with tears instead of happiness. The author struggles with innocent questions about family gatherings, finding it difficult to respond when asked if the whole family will be home for Christmas. He also grapples with how to answer queries about his children, unsure whether to mention Eric or to omit him from the list. This internal conflict extends to questions about the number of children he has; sometimes he explains Eric’s death and sometimes he does not.