“At five years old, did I have the capacity to write the producers a letter begging Network Nanny to come and help me stop punching the walls of my parents’ swanky McMansion? No. I did not have that capacity.”

One of Gerald’s biggest resentments is his inability as a child to consent to all the events that have happened to him. His frustration with his helplessness as a child points to the level of power adults have over their children’s lives, particularly through the perpetuation or enabling of abuse.

“She is my number one trigger.”

Gerald considers his sister, Tasha, his “number one trigger,” as she has tried to kill him multiple times when he was younger and continues to abuse him as a teenager. His parents’ unwillingness to discipline Tasha for her lack of impulse control and abusive behavior further contributes to Gerald’s feelings of strain when it comes to his sister. The compounded nature of these pressures incites his anger and violent tendencies.

“My anger coach would say, Stay in the present, Gerald. But it’s hard when nothing ever changes. For sixteen years, eleven months, and two weeks, I’ve been drowning.”

Despite Gerald’s anger management coach’s advice to stay connected to the present, Gerald’s sensation of “drowning” comes from his inability to escape his traumatic past. His memories of Tasha trying to drown him, as well as her continued abusive behavior, make it difficult for him to live more presently.