As the novel delves into relationships and marriage, Elizabeth Strout uses the motif of “ghosts in the marriage” to connect to the theme of The Impact of the Past on the Present. Strout first introduces the motif when Olive tells Lucy the story of her mother, Sally, who never spoke of her former boyfriend, even though they had been close enough to decide their children’s names. When Olive is done with her story, Lucy reflects, “So both these couples lived their entire lives with these ghosts in the room. And that is sad. Sad for everybody, but especially for your father and Ruth, who didn’t even know they were living with these ghosts” (20). With her comment, Lucy points out how even those who are unaware of the past must live with its ramifications. In this way, the motif acts as a metaphor for a person’s hidden history.

The motif also addresses the essential unknowability of every person and how it impacts The Ebb and Flow of True Connection. Lucy, again, is the character who puts this into words, reflecting on how “nobody can go into the crevices of another’s mind” (194).