“Book the First” begins with an invocation: “The Mighty Mother, and her Son who brings / The Smithfield Muses to the ear of Kings, / I sing” (1: 1-3). The narrator explains how Dulness, “Daughter of Chaos and eternal Night,” once ruled over the entire world (1: 12). Since the advent of written language, her power has diminished, but she wishes to restore her empire.

The narrator describes Dulness and the guardian Virtues that surround her—Fortitude, Temperance, Prudence, and Poetic Justice—and shows her bearing witness to the birth of all the worst elements of bad writing. As she revels in her glory, the scene shifts to a Lord Mayor’s Day. Dulness looks upon the scene and recognizes her disciples, the writers, publishers, and critics who contribute the most to her return by contributing the least to literature. Here the narrator names several individuals, such as Elkanah Settle, Daniel Defoe (“De Foe” in the books), Laurence Eusden, and John Dennis. Dulness sees herself in all the named writers but identifies one who stands out from the rest: Bays, aka Colley Cibber.

The scene shifts again to Cibber’s study, where he sits despairing over his career. He is surrounded by scraps of failed writing attempts, so he looks upon his library and muses over all the work that he’s stolen from others and passed off as his own.