Ella angrily confronts Beckett about why he let her believe Chaos was dead. She questions their entire relationship and everything he has done for her and the kids. Beckett finally reveals that he hid the truth because if she knew what happened, she wouldn’t have let him take care of her: He is the reason that Ryan is dead.

After Beckett accidentally killed the child, he was so affected that he wasn’t in any shape to go on the next mission. Ryan had to replace him, and during the mission, he got separated from the squad and was captured and tortured. The unit only managed to find him three days later, by which point he had already been executed.

Beckett got all of Ella’s letters after Ryan’s death but couldn’t bring himself to read them. He wanted to stay away from her as he didn’t want to bring her any more pain. He had already decided not to take time off when the end of deployment came around; however, when Donahue gave him Ryan’s letter, he couldn’t deny Ryan’s last wish.

Beckett admits that while Ryan’s letter brought him to Telluride, he fell in love with Ella and the kids, and everything he did after sprung from that.