“I’m not a girl. I’m a firefighter.”

Though this quote is delivered by Cassie, it aligns with the beliefs of the male firefighters she works with. Cassie has internalized the misogynistic belief that she cannot be “girly” if she wants to succeed, especially in a male-dominated profession like firefighting. This belief comes back to haunt Cassie, especially as she associates emotion with femininity and thus seeks to cut herself off from her emotions.

“Just take it and go. Take it and get to the back of the stage. I coached myself through this the way I’d coach myself through every other hard thing in my life. The way I’d add just one more mile to a ten-mile run, or one more set of reps in the gym. I’d navigated a collapsing staircase. I’d held a dying man’s skull together. I’d jumped from a collapsing roof. I could do this.”

Here, Cassie compares the courage it takes to accept an award from Heath Thompson to the courage and stamina required to perform her job. This excerpt shows just how high the standards Cassie sets for herself are, particularly as they relate to her holding back her emotions. It also highlights her limited view of bravery at the beginning of the novel—in which she defines bravery as the ability to push emotions aside in order to do what has to be done.

“It’s a strange thing to know about yourself, but there it is: I’m at my very best when things are at their very worst.”

Cassie prides herself on being able to remain calm and focused during a crisis, yet there are several instances later in the novel when difficult circumstances bring out the worst, rather than the best, in her. She must learn throughout the novel that simply pushing away her feelings does not mean she has conquered them and that it takes a different kind of courage to face her trauma rather than ignoring it.